Boom! [entries|friends|calendar] Kelly [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[02 Apr 2005|10:31am] Ok......I dont what to do anymore.....she broke her promise, could be pregnant again, oh yeah, and she still tells me she loves me. I cant take this anymore. I am not treated as a friend at all. I dont care what I am to her at all, but if I am a friend, should the way I feel not matter? Apprently not, well there is nothing I can say, but an I Told You So. I cant do it. I cant tell if she even gives a damn anymore. I dont care that I am not her boyfriend, she should respect my feelings, but she doesnt. She doesnt want me to replace her, but she can replace me. Thats isnt far, she wants to be the only that I love, but doesnt want to love me. She wants to be the only one that I touch, but everyone can touch her. She made promises that she never kept, I still keep the ones I made to her. She isnt the same girl that I know. Ever since she came back from snowden and was told that hypo-sexualality was a part of being bi polar, she has changed. She took it as an open inventation to have all the sex she wants. She always asked me if I thought she was slutty, I never did till now. It pains me to say that but it is true. It is like she is using that as an excuse to just jump on a cock. it is so wrong, and not she might be pregnant.....and fucking had anal with stephanies boyfriend....god it is so fucking wrong. She cant fucking fuck anyone or have anything done but she can now do anal and she loves it. I am so tired of this. I am tired of it all. Why sould someone go on and do this stuff if they know it hurts me. I have been cutting lately because of this. This and everything else. The days are becoming one, night and day are the same to me. I am doing nothing but work, it is all the same all the time. I dont get to talk to her like I used to, I dont get to be around her, I am constantly depressed because the only thoughts in my head are those of her and who she is going to fuck next....why she says she loves me but doesnt even act it. Why am I the one sitting on the sidelines.....I have had enough.....she is going to have to choose. bring the destruction

[26 Mar 2005|06:53pm] [ mood | complacent ] I just realized that if I am loved, it is barely....and that my feelings dont matter so the love shouldnt either.....I hate me. bring the destruction

[25 Mar 2005|05:27am] So yeah, I keep coming back this livejournal, because nobody will take the time to actually go to my other one...lazy trollops. Anyways, I hate alot of stuff right now, alot of stuff. bring the destruction

[23 Feb 2005|02:07am] You all should see my arm.....I like how it looks....I am going to make it into my next tattoo.Too bad my camera doesnt work at the moment. bring the destruction

[22 Feb 2005|12:23am] [ mood | pissed off ] Ok, I really want to kill alot of people right now. It isnt her fault...not her fault at all. It is their's. I cant even believe them. They clam to be friends and they do something like that.....I want to rip their necks open. That is not fair to her....not at all.....they have no right to call themselves friends.....not after what I was told. I am actually really pissed at the moment. Friends..............that makes me laugh........alot. bring the destruction

[20 Feb 2005|11:15pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | A Perfect Circle - Passive ] Ok, so tonight I worked a couple extra hours tonight in rewards of more money and getting to see Constantine no matter what, sold out or not I would have gotten to see that movie. Let me say this.....that is one of the greatest Heaven vs. Hell movies I have seen since what Dreams May Come. It was astounding. I dont care if I spelled that wrong. Once again my thoughts on something keep flowing so fast that I cant make real sentances. the movie was amazing.....Reeves did a great job and actually acted in this movie, and the fact that is has Shai LeBouf is just one amazing thing, it has Shai LeBouf damn it! I find this amazing....if you have ever seen Even Stevens then you would know what I am talking about. There where not that many weapons in the movie either.....but still it was just amazing. The story was great and it was a very great comic book movie. The fact that it wasnt slightly cheesy like Spider mand and X Men was ( they where good but very common) just perfect for a comic movie. This only gives me more hope for Frank Miller's Sin City. April 1st. Speaking of April. I havent talked to her in a couple of days and I miss her....I hope she is ok....but never the less I am pretty sure she is doing just fine. I have tuesday and thursday off....paychecks on tuesday....mine is direct deposit....so that will be amazing. bring the destruction

tired....sick...I hate work [18 Feb 2005|12:26am] [ mood | sick ] [ music | October Project - Ariel ] ok....so I am tired...and I am sick... I cant get to sleep because my nose is so stuffed.....and I work 11-11 tommarrow and I dont think I can spell right.....my eyes hurt.....so does my cheast.....and of course nose......I dont want to work.......espically that they most likely wont need me......we only get three movies......two prints of one.....it is Constintine......so that will kick ass. April is with Stephanie I guess....it doesnt matter.....watching full metal alchmist should cheer me up......might actually play Metal Gear Soild 3 after having it for weeks.....or this Tetris Worlds thing mom got me......Tetris is a game of gods....so simple but so very complicated. 3 blown away worlds| bring the destruction

[17 Feb 2005|10:25am] I am sick...throat is sore...nose runny......I am watching the OC season 1.....great damned show. bring the destruction

[10 Feb 2005|05:36am] [ mood | sick ] Cancer Kissing Horoscope Your kisses are warm and tender, and you never want to let them go. Your Relationship Potential: It could be a fun fling, or it could be the love of your life. Sample your free reading for more details. What's Your Kissing Horoscope?. So I feel like complete shit.....I dont work today....thats a good thing but I am cleaning as well. once I have a generally clean room I am going to try and get my phone line moved to my room so my sister will stop her bitching. I am 200 dollars from the Moto Razr then I have to pick a cingular plan....i am thinking of 300 anytime with free nights and weekends. Any plan is better then the one I have were you pay for the two seconds you talk. I dont know what ring tone I will get though....might get a few...one for every person at work or atleast a ring for every person that I actually want to talk to. paid my mom back for cell phone and regular phone. I cant wait till the next cell bill....it will be pretty damned high since I can basically talk only on that....maybe I should get a thousand minutes......I will have to look into that. Feeling like shit sucks......If I was able to have one power from the bible I would have trouble choosing the one I would want....it is a run between water into blood.....walking on water....or splitting large bodies of water like Moses. I would say water to wine.....but we have enough of that in the basement.......... I feel sick. bring the destruction

[06 Feb 2005|01:58pm] I removed all the people from my friends list. Like anyone will see this now and give a damn. 2 blown away worlds| bring the destruction

Sharp things are fun sometimes. [03 Feb 2005|08:08am] [ music | The Von Bondies - C'mon C'mon ] Oddly I feel like stabbing myself in the stomach....it just hurts and I dont know why. I figure if I stab myself I will have a reason why it hurts it makes no sence in the long run, but what the hell is the long run anyways? I dont work today so that is good I guess but I have to clean all day and my stomach hurts. I miss April and johnny cash 1 blown away world| bring the destruction

tired again [31 Jan 2005|08:23am] Ok...something is wrong. I have been having the worst dreams my neck has been sore for a month now. I have cuts and bruises everywhere. I feel like I got hit by a car and dragged around by it. 4 blown away worlds| bring the destruction

[28 Jan 2005|07:42pm] so today sucks only because I am tired I got 5 games. FFX Kingdom Hearts Lord Of The Rings:The Third Age Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater I pre-ordered God of War ( about a roman warrior taking on the gods. If you really know me, then you know why I want this) Devil May Cry 3 (younger version on Dante, but I can make him all kung-fu like) Tekken 5 (because you know I have to have it and will kick alot of ass) bring the destruction

I am tired [27 Jan 2005|09:22am] [ mood | tired/pissed ] [ music | Orgy - Stiches ] I am tired tired of being the only good friend that some people have tired of being the fallout when everything goes wrong tired of trying to help and being ignored tired of trying to do the right thing and not one person caring tired of trying to keep people safe and them not caring tired of explaining how I know what happens and then not one person listening tired of everyone else being the real friend just because I dont want people to screw up their lives tired of being put behind everyone because I dont smoke, or drink or do drugs anymore tired of being told that someone cares and they dont give a damn tired of trying to keep people out of trouble and them telling me to fuck off tired of all this shit. I am tired of it. Everything. Everyone. I cant seem to do a bit of good in this world trying to help people stay on a good straight healthy track, because everytime I try I am wrong. Everytime I, someone who has dont tons of drugs, smoked a hell of a lot and drank more than anyone in my family, doesnt know a damned thing about what can happen to the mind and body. I am tired of looking out for people when their friends dont give a damn. I am tired of people saying how much they care when they dont. I am tired of people saying they are a 'friend' but they dont look out for their friends. I am tired of it all. 8 blown away worlds| bring the destruction

I miss her [17 Jan 2005|08:37pm] [ mood | I miss her. ] [ music | Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams ] I miss everything about her. Her voice, her smell, the touch of her fingers. her soft skin, amazing hair. Those eyes that just melt holes into me. the lips that I cant help but thing of everything. her body that i find so wonderful I miss her so much it is so hard to not turn myself into a chopping block. 8 blown away worlds| bring the destruction

thefted this from steffy I am a sneaky theif [16 Jan 2005|04:01pm] ____YOUR LIFE____ [x] they call me: Kelly,Kelly [x] sex: teenagemanboy [x] my first breath of air: July 16th, 1985 [x] age: 19 [x] status: almost dead to the world [x] occupation: I work in the movie buisness...behind the candy counter [x] nationality: irish, scotish, english, dutch, german [x] other sexy motherfuckers: April, Julie, Nicole, Katie, Megan, and Josh, he is oh so sexy ____REWIND____ [x] most memorable memory: Graduation, my firt time, finally being with the person I ache for. You pick it. [x] first word uttered: probably "dad" [x] first bestfriend ever!?: April Dorthea Malamphy ____FAST FORWARD____ [x] college planning to go: PSI [x] future resident of: everywhere [x] wedding: I dont know.....very dark and colorful though [x] children: I dont expect any [x] looking forward: To my new phone [x] NOT looking forward to: Death alone ____PLAY____ [x] feeling: nothing at the moment [x] Listening: Apollo 13 and my keyboard [x] Talking: to noone but myself [x] doing: nothing but eating M&Ms [x] craving: A cheeseburger, medium rare, little bit of pink in the middle [x] thinking of: April [x] hating: Almost everything ____LOVE?____ [x] love is: April [x] first love: April [x] current love: April [x] love or lust?: both [x] best love song: Any song can be a love song. [x] is it possible to be in love w/ more than one person @ the same time?: I dont know [x] when love hurts, you: try to know it will all be better [x] true or false - all you need is love: true [x] have you ever been in love?: yea [x] is there such thing as love @ first sight?: no ____THE OPPOSITE SEX____ [x] turn ons: legs, eyes, hair [x] turn offs: rude and no manners [x] does your parents' opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: no [x] what kinda hair style?: long or short, just depends on what looks good on the person [x] the sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex can do for you?: make me feel like a god [x] where do you go to meet new people?: in life [x] are you the type of person to holler n ask for numbers?: no ____PICKY PICKY____ [x] dog or cat: cats [x] short or long hair: long [x] innie or outie: innies [x] sunshine or rain: rain [x] moon or sun: moon [x] basketball or football: football. [x] righty or lefty: righty [x] hugs or kisses: both [x] 1 best friend or 10 acquaintances: best friend [x] bf/gf or best friend: best friend [x] tv or radio: radio [x] starbucks or jamba juice: starbucks [x] mc donalds or burger king: mcdonald's [x] summer or winter: winter [x] written letters or e-mails: letters [x] playstation or nintendo: both [x] disney or nickelodeon: disney [x] car or motorcycle: VW Bus [x] house party or club: neither [x] sing or dance: sing [x] freak or slow dance: slow [x] yahoo messenger or aim: aim [x] google or ask jeeves?: google ____MISCELLANEOUS____ [x] can you swim?: yeah [x] whats your most embarrassing moment?: being too nervouse during my first time [x] what are you scared of?: life after death [x] what kinda roof is over your head?: brand new with shingles. [x] do you like tomatoes?: no [x] how many TVs in the house?: 7 [x] how many phones?: 7 [x] how many residents?: 5 [x] how many DVDs do you have?: over 500 [x] last dentist visit: in october [x] last doctor visit: long ago [x] last phone call: noone bring the destruction

Sin City [06 Jan 2005|08:56pm] Boom fuckers. Frank Miller's Sin City, great comic, really viberant. Black and white with hits of colors when needed. Pick up the comics, read the hell out of them, love them, in fact if you can find a way, make glorious love to it. After that, on April 1st 2005, go see Frank Miller's Sin City in theaters. http://www.dtheatre.com/read.php?sid=2893 Download, watch it, love it. It is the theater version of the trailor, in fact if I can find it I will put up the 8 minute long teaser for it. bring the destruction

A big Fuck you [03 Jan 2005|07:09am] Fuck you April. I am tired of this shit. Am I not good enough for you? You cant stand the thought of having sex with me, so you go and fuck another dude, a guy who you know loves you. What the fuck where you thinking, I know, you wheren't, like always. Never fucking thinking. This is what I get for beleiving in love. Its all a bullshit lie, I dont want apart of it anymore. I dont want to be apart of this shit, I would take my life before I tell anyone I love them. end fucking post Focker Out bring the destruction

[02 Jan 2005|01:03am] I am tired. I think i hate everything.. This all could just be the new year issue again... I dont know.... Could be something about work..... god I hate that job...... it is good money....... $6.50 an hour isnt bad........ manager is such a bitch......... i really think this hate is just the new year.......... damn........... I really hate people right now............ 1 blown away world| bring the destruction

[02 Jan 2005|01:01am] I am tired. I think i hate everything.. This all could just be the new year issue again... I dont know.... Could be something about work..... god I hate that job...... it is good money....... $6.50 an hour isnt bad........ manager is such a bitch......... i really think this hate is just the new year.......... damn........... I really hate people right now............ bring the destruction

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